What to do about stress in a 6yr old who had cronic stomach aches with no medical cause?

She has had extensive medical test every thing is negative. We have sent her to a new school in hopes of getting her some tools to deal with her stress. We have a very low stress household. I have been a stay at home mom until she went to school and now am only out of the house during school hours. All the doctors say it’s stress related but offer no help in dealing withit. This morning was awful and I feel bad when she is crying of pain and can’t do anything for her. Should I ignore or cuddle her.

I teach first grade and this is common.

This year I have one child very much like you describe. Every child is different, so what we did with Sally (not her name) may not work for your daughter, but for what it’s worth…

Her parents and I established a partnership involving trust on both sides. This allows us to share any information without fear of being misunderstood.

We decided that since it was a “school thing” I would take the lead. (That might not work in every case. The important thing is that we made a decision.)

I made time to chat with Sally. I told her that the doctors could not find anything wrong with her body. I assured her that she was in fact feeling pains. I told her that the pains were messages her brain was sending her because she was worried about something else.

Sally and I agreed that she could tell me anything and it would be O.K. She could also tell her parents because they also knew about brains playing tricks on people’s bodies.

I talked to her about her routine at home before leaving for school.

It turned out that she spent the whole morning fussing about going to school, complaining about pains, hoping someone would let her stay home.

I talked with her parents to share what she’d said and to get their bottom line.

In another session with Sally, I outlined that her family cared about her too much to let her grow up without an education, so staying home was not going to be an option. I also assured her that all the grown-ups in her life would help her to get control of her feelings. Sally and I agreed that her day would be much more pleasant if she spend the morning cuddling with her mom instead of trying to get to stay home.

Sally agreed that she would tell me instead of her mom that she didn’t want to be in school. That way she and her mom could have a really good time together at home.

Sally told me a few times, and then chose another staff member to confide in. I let her leave the room when she wanted to chat with the teaching assistant she chose. She’d be gone for a minute or two and then return satisfied.

Within a week, the stomach pains were gone.

Sally is super sensitive and still wants to tell her worries to as many people as she can. She needs to know adults are there to support her. But she has learned that her worries are just worries, not a reason to feel sick. She has not had stomach pains since she stopped them herself.

This is just one story about one child. As I said, every child is differerent. So is every situation. If there is something at school that has the child worried, it must be named and dealt with.

Changing schools can sometimes help. Be careful, though, that the child has a chance to stay somewhere long enough to build solid relationships with staff and students.

Best wishes as you work with this thorny issue.

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